Black Maternal Health & My Struggle with Postpartum Depression

 

I can’t talk about Black Maternal Health week (April 11th-17th) without talking about postpartum depression because that depression was a big shadow over my life in the early months of motherhood.

So here’s what happened to me: My husband showed me this video for the first time a few months ago and I got so emotional watching it. I didn’t know he was recording it at the time but I’m glad he did because it reminded me of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve healed.

The first challenge I faced after giving birth was postpartum preeclampsia and everything that led up to that, the next challenge was breastfeeding, and then the postpartum depression crept in. I was in pain and didn’t feel equipped for motherhood at first. It was hard not to cry, but thank God for my husband, who was right there in the hospital room, encouraging me every step of the way. I left the hospital a few days later feeling sad and scared about motherhood but I was determined to make it through.

If you have ever been through or are experiencing postpartum depression, know that you are not alone. You have a support system of people who believe in you as a mother and want you to be well for you and your baby. I prayed a lot and cried a lot by myself and in the presence of loved ones. I went back to work when my son was 10 weeks old and cried every day from November 5, 2018, when he was born, until May 2019, when I got so tired of my depression that I sought the help of a therapist. Therapy changed my life for the better, and I’m so grateful for that journey. 

Black maternal health and mental health matters. Let's talk about these things and support women by sharing our stories.

Black Maternal Health & Post Partum Preeclampsia

My first pregnancy was in 2018 and it was healthy and beautiful. After birth was when things got hard and scary. Hours after giving birth, I experienced the worst headache of my life.

My mom has a medical background and asked the nurse on duty to check my blood pressure because she knew that was a sign of high blood pressure. The nurse ignored us. So my mom and husband asked her to give me some Tylenol and the nurse still ignored us. I was lying in so much pain, I couldn’t even hold my baby. Finally, the nurses changed shifts. When the new nurse introduced herself, she was warm and kind. My mother and husband explained what was happening to me. She immediately checked my blood pressure, got me Tylenol, and told us that I was suffering from postpartum preeclampsia. The nurse gave me potassium intravenously for the remaining 2.5 days I was in the hospital to treat it. 

Thank God I’m here to share my story, and I’m grateful that my mom and husband advocated for me and my maternal health.

Black Maternal Health Week means a lot to me because we deserve to have healthy pregnancies, labor & delivery, and postpartum experiences. Having the right advocates in the hospital as a mother is a matter of life and death. We all deserve to have people who advocate for our right to live.

 

Navigating the wilderness season on the road to success

God has to educate you before He can elevate you. I don’t know who needs to read (or hear) this message, but the wilderness season was never a waste of time!!!

The lessons the Israelites learned in the wilderness prepared them to prosper in the promised land. So if you find yourself in a wilderness season and you’re wondering what is taking you so long to elevate to a new dimension of success, just know that you need to learn the lessons God is trying to teach you right now. The faster you learn those lessons and develop the skills He is trying to teach you, the faster you will exit the wilderness and enter your promised land. 

If you want to enter a new dimension of success, you have to be disciplined enough to gain the knowledge and develop the skills that will sustain you and allow you to flourish during your season of success. So if you are working towards something and wondering why it’s taking so long to happen, look around and within. Be open and disciplined enough to master the skills necessary to thrive. I promise you none of this will be in vain. 

Dress-Target x Jenee Naylor for Future Collective

Photographer-Kofi James, taken at the Jersey Shore

Do you use seasons of waiting to learn and sharpen your skills?

To the mom (and anyone else) Going Through a Demanding Season of Life

Hey friends! It's hard to believe it's been over two years since I published a blog post. The last time we spoke on here, I was pregnant and fresh off my Saint Martin Baby moon/family vacation/anniversary trip. Now I'm a mom of two amazing little boys, and my youngest is two years old! I never knew my time and capacity would shift the way it did as I became of mom of two, but that is my reality as I dove deeper into motherhood and learned to navigate the waters with two sons with varying sets of needs. I have tried to come here and write a few times over the past two years, but life offline is so consuming, and it’s so much easier and faster to write an Instagram caption.

Juggling the demands of motherhood, being a present wife, a demanding career, going to the gym (more on that later), working nights, and barely getting 3-4 hours of sleep on work nights has been consuming so I want to share a message to moms and anyone else who finds themselves in an incredibly demanding season of life: You are doing a good job! The days are long and the nights are short. Sometimes you feel like you’re running on empty, but God gives you just enough grace and momentum to keep going. Like me, you may have had to press pause on some dreams and goals as the demands in your life intensified. There simply doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to do everything you want to do and yet, you are accomplishing so much by meeting the needs of your priorities. Remember that you are a priority, too. Add taking care of yourself and doing things that bring you joy to your to-do list. Even if all you have is 15, 30, or 60 minutes to devote each day. The time you spend pouring into yourself is a worthy investment in your joy and overall well-being. Pick and choose your battles, and always remember that your joy and peace are of the utmost importance and worth fighting for.

May your Dreams Take Flight + Saint Martin Vacation Style

May your dreams take flight and flourish and may your hopes be limitless! I was initially on the fence about going on vacation. The cautious part of me said stay home and save your money because you have a baby coming in a few months. Then the other part of me said book the flight and take the babymoon/family vacation you deserve because you work hard and you've earned it. I'm glad I listened to myself and booked the trip because this vacation and the beautiful experiences my family and I had were so worth it. I took a week off from work and my responsibilities at home to just be, breathe, and luxuriate in Saint Martin. Travel is a luxury I love to enjoy, even if I don't do it as often as I'd like to. 

I am so grateful for this life God blesses me to live each day. This trip made me realize I want my life to feel different, and that is okay. It's okay to enjoy where you are and have a healthy desire for more goodness, abundance, and areas of change. In my experience, the life you want does not get handed to you. You have to work for it, pray for it, and manifest it. Working and praying for a goal or desire is a form of manifestation in my opinion. 

One of the biggest things I want to change is my relationship to work. I want more freedom, flexibility, and financial security for my family and I, and I believe it's possible because of the way God has consistently elevated my life over the past two years. So when I returned home from vacation, I sat down and made a vision board with personal goals and desires, as well as desires for my family. Then I prayed on those things, and I do so often. Something about writing down my vision for my life at this moment makes it feel more attainable. So as you walk through this week, remember that it's okay to enjoy where you are in life while having a healthy desire for more goodness, abundance and areas of change. 

Style:

I saw this Farm Rio dress months ago and fell in love with it but refused to pay full price! Then, I started planning my vacation and searched for it but it was so out. So I went hunting for it on Ebay and got it brand new for nearly half the price! I love this dress because its colorful, comfortable, and I can wear it during and after my pregnancy (although I won't be able to fit it too much longer because mama is still growing this baby). Have you ever found some gems on Ebay?

Bask in Your Blessings + Styling Spring Maxi Dresses

As you walk through this week, I hope you make room to bask in the beauty and joy of all your blessings. You don't have to strive to earn anything God has given you or is preparing to bless you with, just be yourself and walk confidently in your purpose. As a black woman who has now experienced two pregnancies while working full time, I've often felt extra pressure to prove myself. Being a mother doesn't stop me from showing up with excellence but it does impact how I choose to show up. I used to take pride in working myself to the point of exhaustion and then coming home to give my child and husband what's left of me. However, myself has shifted. This pregnancy is very different from my first one and has forced me to slow down and be more present for the people and experiences that money can't buy. 

One life change I've made this year was to release myself from the pressure to show up "perfectly" at the expense of my mental and physical health. I now use my vacation and PTO days regularly and pre-schedule random self-care days because rest is my right and I deserve it. Rest is your right as well, so I encourage you to examine your life and think about ways to make room for your wellness!

This dress is an old favorite of mine! I got it a few years ago from Forever 21 for around $40 if I recall correctly. I was immediately drawn to the colors and how this dress can be easily styled in warmer months as well as layered under a jacket on a fall day. This weekend was my first time styling this dress with my baby bump and I think it's the perfect fit! Maxi dresses are of those things that look great on multiple body types whether pregnant or not and I'm happy to be getting good maternity use out of a non-maternity dress.

The Beauty of Growing Pains: Pregnancy Update

I'm so happy to share that my little family is growing! This pregnancy coupled with the first quarter of 2022 pushed me to re-evaluate my life. When I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited. My husband and I have discussed growing our family and we knew we wanted Avery to have a sibling but we left the exact timing to God. I have many emotions with this pregnancy. I feel joy thinking about the life growing within me, I feel peace and gratitude to God knowing that we are more established financially this time than we were when I was pregnant with Avery, and I'm so excited for this new chapter in our family journey.

Despite all the amazing feelings I felt with this new blessing, the first trimester sucked and I feel no need to sugarcoat it. I dealt with nausea and fatigue almost every day between November and early February. I got to participate in some exciting projects at work during November, December, and part of January that were valuable to my career, but also left me feeling exhausted working through constant sickness. Every day I woke up hoping I would feel good only to quickly be greeted with nausea and bouts of vomiting. I wasn't depressed but feeling sick every day with no relief in sight had me feeling down. On top of that, work was extremely stressful during February. I was more stressed out and sleep-deprived during February than I have been in months. Juggling all the first trimester symptoms while pushing myself to perform at a high level at work was hard. PSA, give working moms grace because we are exhausted a lot even when we present like all is well. 

Feeling sick, the pressures of work, lack of sleep all while trying to show up the best way I could for my family was taking a toll on me. I barely found any time for myself during the work week. There was a point in time during 2020 when I felt overwhelmed and I remember my mom asking me, "Ashley, what can you put down?" So at the start of February, I decided to become more intentional about prioritizing my wellness wherever I could make space; I started a tradition of taking off the first Sunday of every month of work for my self-care, I decided to take a break from my beloved Instagram time after work because the hour and a half I was spending the app each day was better spent resting, sleeping and trying to nurture my body through the changes of pregnancy and stress of life. I made time to see close friends I had not seen since last year. I spent more time with God outside of the rushed prayers where I often found myself falling asleep while giving Him my list of requests. I got way more present with my son and found myself often giving in to his requests to sit on the floor and play. 

People-pleasing at the expense of my wellness is something I'm no longer interested in. My big act of self-love in March was resigning from a position I didn't have the bandwidth to perform. I wrestled with that decision for weeks and when I finally made my decision, I felt peace and immense relief. I got even more comfortable saying the word no without further explanation. Work became less stressful, the pregnancy-related sickness lifted and things started looking up. I'm excited for the newness of spring and the warmth this season will bring. I'm excited about continuing to show up in the ways that are best for me while honoring my boundaries. I'm excited about the plane tickets I booked to give my family and I a beautiful and restful vacation experience we have earned. I look forward to sharing more of this journey and my stories with you. Thank you to everyone who thought of me and/or reached out to me during my online absence and for being patient with me during this time. I love you all. Talk soon!